Monday, March 22, 2010

Un-wrapped? Not yet. Waiting waiting.

This is BlueRaine. My youngest daughter. As you can see, she is pregnant. It's a boy. Eddie. He will be the first boy born within huggable distance in 23 years. He is going to come into a family of many females. And he's gonna be a prince. HA!
How can he not be? He has a mom, 2 sisters, 3 aunts, a nana (me), a granny, 2 second cousins (girls), 6 cousins (girls), 3 girl dogs, 1 girl cat... a dad, a papa, 3 uncles, and 1 male cousin, 3 male cats and 2 male dogs. I think i've got it all counted right. Sixteen females (plus 4 four-footers) and six males (plus 5 four-footers).
This little guy is gonna be smooched and hugged and snuggled and spoiled like you wouldn't believe. He's gonna think he rules the roost.
One of his sisters, Ashlyn, already thinks she does, so it is going to be a very interesting time, and i can hardly wait.
I sit next to her and put my hand on her belly. He moves and kicks and stretches. Her belly ripples and rolls and thumps side to side. She groans and giggles. As much fun as it is seeing her pregnant, i am very ready for this baby to come.
He will be the last grandchild born in this clan.
Yep. He's gonna be a prince.

Go here:


 It's a great place!

Friday, March 19, 2010

When in doubt , answere the door.

Yesterday i was wondering if there was a real reason i should get dressed, instead of hanging around in my pj's. The Old Guy was off to his first day of work since forever, there was no one who cared how i looked, so why bother?
Then came a knock at the door. A little tiny " tap tap tap". 
Our front door is one of those fancy glass ones, so anyone standing on the outside can see movement, so there was no hiding, acting like i wasn't home...
i opened the door.
There she was. Held in her mama's arms, my great-granddaughter, Cambria. She looked at me and giggled.
She's not yet 2, so her words are still hard to get, but the look was enough... "Nana looks funny!" and giggle again.
Now i had to make a choice. Get dressed because they had come to visit, or not get dressed because my morning look brought such a wonderful smile to my sweet little love's face.
I stayed in my pj's for a few minutes, until she got busy with toys, then i got dressed.
Compromise. It works.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

This side of morning.

It has been a long time since i have seen this side of morning. Up at 4:30 ! Why? you ask. The Old Guy is off to work again, after not working since Thanksgiving last. In his line of work, (he drives a rock truck and builds/maintains logging roads) wet weather shuts them down. Plus, there have been no jobs to bid on, so work has been non-existant. But, spring is here, and, hopefully there will be jobs to keep them going. Hopefully.
I don't know what will happen to us if he no longer has this job. He's almost 60 years old, and getting another job is hard enough for younger guys, let alone someone his age. He's not a "white collar" worker in any way, and has no training for anything having to do with sitting in an office, or dealing with the public. He is a short-haul truck driver with a bad back and poor communication skills. Where would he find another job? In a time and place where there are no other jobs. He has no savings, no retirement. He's been on un-enployment for 4 months, so that won't last much longer. It is scary.
There must be thousands and thousands of us out there. Wondering what is going to happen to us "if" and "when". Where will we live? How will we survive? The thought of living on the street terrifies me. I can't do it. I am on oxygen 24/7. How will that continue without a place to plug in my concentrator. Come to think of it, if i no longer have an address the company i rent the concentrator from will take it back.
Well, that solves the problem of where to plug it in.
I believe, were i to step outside and take in a deep long breath, i would taste the fear and confusion that permeates the air of this country. How could i not?
Maybe, if i close my eyes as i stand in the air of morning, breath in slowly and softly, the fear and confusion will get lost for just a moment, just long enough for me to taste the life and beauty that is all around me.
Just maybe.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

A late Tuesday.

I just discovered "Tuesdays Unwrapped" at "chatting at the sky".
A gift.
I unwrapped it.
On this day of pain and difficult breathing and oh poor me, i unwrapped this gift.
Yes, i do have wonderful things to be thankful for, but, sometimes i have a really hard time seeing them.
Like Monday, it was sunny and 68 degrees out! I sat out on the front steps. In the sun. Feeling the warm loving breeze. Not something i do alot anymore.
Like today, finding this treasure chest full of words.
Ah, thank you thank you for this gift.

The Old Guy

I look at him, sitting there on the other end of the sofa, and wonder, how can he want to be here with me?
I'm sure, when we first started this relationship, that his dream wasn't to give up everything he enjoyed doing
to spend time with me. But then, it wasn't my dream either.
We used to go for long peaceful drives in the hills, or along back roads until we came to a town somewhere. We used to work in the yard together, side by side. I used to clean the house for us. Used to. Before.  Not now. Now? Now we stay home together. Doing much of nothing. He works in the yard some, or his shop, or his room. He cleans house, sometimes cooks, sometimes does laundry. I read, watch t.v, sit here at my computer, sew or some such artsy thing, once in a while. Sometimes i do laundry, cook, change the bed, clean the bathroom...whatever my lungs will let me do at the time.
We used to go shopping together. Now he does it all. Just wandering through the stores looking at stuff was great fun with him. Going to the grocery store was fun, him dancing in the aisle. I so miss all of these simple things we used to do. I miss life.
But, back to the question.... how can he stay here? I know he loves me. No question. But...... does he think he has no where else to go? Does he feel like he owes me? Is he waiting for me to die so he can live?
We are so much alike. We both are loners, neither of us has friends we spend time with. We like quiet and being alone without a lot of noise and fuss. We like being at home. But, he wasn't that way before me. He skiied and hiked and swam and rode his bike. He danced. We used to dance.
Ah, the "used to's".... how heartbreaking they can be.
We love each other.
What else is there?