I got lost.

I've been a bit, well, 'lost', the past few days.

I sold my car. My sweet little 2003 PT Cruiser that we bought brand new. My sweet little car that, even though i've had it for 7 years, it had less than 41K miles on it.
We took GOOD care of that car. I loved that car. And, it really hurt to see it go. I didn't want to sell my car, not really, but, there comes a time when you gotta do what you gotta do.
Since i've been on 24/7 oxy, i haven't done much driving. The few times i did, i noticed that my reflexes have slowed down, and my focus isn't as sharp. I asked my doctor about it, he said that because i waited so long to start using the oxygen, especially at night, the lack of oxy to my brain has left a bit of damage.
I'm only 62.  I no longer feel good about driving. What if i caused a crash? Or hit someone crossing the street? I had to ask myself these questions, over and over. What if i forgot to look behind me and ran over a little kid as i was backing up? What if i had one of my granddaughter's in the car with me and crashed? What if..........?
Too many 'what if's' to take the chance. Just the idea of it scares me.

I learned to drive when i was 12 years old. Thats a lot of miles ago. And i love driving. I would get in the car and just drive to be driving. Not going anywhere in particular, just driving. In the years gone by, i've driven across the states a few times, gone here and there and about.  But, in the last year i don't think i've driven 50 miles total. I've driven myself to the doctor a few times, and to Goodwill a time or two, but thats it.  Most of the time the Cruiser sat in the driveway.The Old Guy would wash it for me when it started to get dusty, just in case i decided to go somewhere. One of the girls would borrow it once in a while, or the Old Guy would drive it down for an oil change every 3 months. But, mostly it just sat there.

I really really hated to let it go. It seemed like it was the last bit of 'independence' i have.  You know, having a car so you can go when ever you feel the need or desire. Not having to ask someone else to take you where you have to go.

It's done now. The car is gone. I look out my window and there is an empty driveway until the Old Guy gets home from work and his truck is there.
I hate this feeling. I hate the 'boo-hoo' stuff that comes over me when i think of being stuck here unless i ask for help.

But, life goes on.

And here comes some of it now, skipping down the street, giggling and laughing. A daughter, two granddaughters and the new grandson.

Life. Ya gotta love it.